Lohengrin the Ludicrous

I recently had a passing encounter with Wagner’s opera Lohengrin, and I am still reeling from the ridiculousness. Fortunately it was only a passing encounter – the full opera runs just under four hours, and that’s not even counting the two intervals wherein you stagger forth to refresh your bewildered brain with an icecream.

Side Note: where English is stuck with the rather vague “full-length” to describe theatrical presentations, the Germans have the nifty word abendfüllend, meaning something that fills the evening. Wagner I imagine must have his own word: abendüberfüllend.

The story of Lohengrin goes like this. The child-Duke of Brabant has disappeared. His guardian the Count accuses the wee Duke’s big sister Elsa of murdering the poor boy in order to become Duchess of Brabant herself. He furthermore suggests that the visiting King should make him Duke of Brabant instead, thus foiling the murderess’s ambitions. (If you are feeling suspicious of the Count right now, fair enough.)

The King decides this is above his pay grade and refers the matter to God – by means of Trial By Combat. Of course, no one expects Elsa to fight for herself, being of the female persuasion, so the call goes out for volunteers. Big resounding silence, followed by a second big resounding silence at the second time of asking.

Elsa prays that God would send her a champion (a more intelligent woman might have prayed for her brother to be restored to life, or for his murderer to drop dead, but here we are) and nek minnit, here comes a boat pulled by a swan. Yes, a swan. Some people use oars, some people have even mastered the concept of the sail, but this is Wagner, so the mystical boat’s propulsion is one swanpower.

Continue & Comment

You Know You Read Too Much When…

Last week, I got nerd-shamed by a car.

I had just been for my weekly visit to the localish library (behold my resplendent self-control), and was proceeding to depart the carpark in the usual manner, i.e. in a car, when I beheld a warning light upon the dashboard.

Lit up in red, the combination of a pictogram and a numeral, the warning light was there to inform me that the front seat passenger did not have their seatbelt on.

This was a matter of concern. Not because of the increased danger to life and limb caused by an absence of seatbelt-wearing, nor even because the driver of a car containing an unseatbelted person (if under 15) can be fined for the omission. No. This was a matter of concern because I was alone in the car.

Continue & Comment

The Beauty, the Beast, and the Buboes

Let me preface my remarks by saying that this post will be utterly replete with spoilers for the film Beauty and the Beast. The 2017 live-action version, that is, inasmuch as any film largely populated by a big hairy creature and his ambulatory furniture can be considered as live-action.

So you’ve had four years, but if you still haven’t seen it, and still want to – without benefit of spoilers – then stop right here and step away from the Continue & Comment. (It is possible that this post will also contain spoilers for films yet to be made, but I can’t help that and neither can you.)

Continue & Comment