Category: Eccentric

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A Farewell to Hat

Today I let an old friend go: a round brown (fake)fur pillbox hat.

It first came into my possession about nineteen years ago, when I was preparing for my 21st – a costume party – and hunting up odd hats in second hand shops for the use of anyone who came without a costume. To my intense surprise, the furry little hat actually fit my remarkably bijou head, and so I kept it and wore it often.

Painting of white-haired pink-cheeked old lady with blue eyes and a brown fur pillbox hat. She has a lavender and green shawl over her shoulders, pinned at the front with a square golden brooch.
My old hat was like this but not nearly so tall.

I was wearing it one night as I passed through the centre of Christchurch, returning from an evening theatrical event. It was winter, so I was also wearing my big belted khaki overcoat and sheepskin boots, and as I crossed a largely deserted Cathedral Square en route to the bus station, I heard a distant – and possibly intoxicated – voice cry out, “The Russians are invading!”

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In Praise of Old Custom: Mourning Clothes

It is time, I believe, to bring back mourning. Not mourning as in grieving – that has never left us, nor will while this world lasts – but the clothing which denotes its presence.

The West is not very good at either of them, for the most part. We expect people to “get over it” or “move on” in not much more than the standard three days bereavement leave, and as for the clothes – well. When I tell you there is a company offering such products as tees and tank tops with slogans like “live, love, grieve”, “grief vibes” and “grieving AF”, you will see how far we have come from the days when mourning clothing was both dignified and generally recognized.

In the foreground, a young woman in black trimmed with white. In the background, three young women in pastels.
One of these young women is in mourning. Guess which.

This can in part be blamed on the mass deaths of the World Wars – very bad for morale, living in a sea of visible loss – and, going further back than that, the Victorians. The Victorians were huge supporters of people taking time to mourn, but rather overdid it with their strict codification of mourning which was not necessarily connected with your actual emotions. (Not to mention the annoyance when some sour old distant relation dies the moment you get a new outfit, thus preventing you wearing it while it’s still in fashion.)

I do not propose that we return to the suffocating etiquette of the nineteenth century, but that we reintroduce a shared visual vocabulary of loss. To that end, a few suggestions.

Grief varies in intensity over time (hopefully in an overall lightening trend). Mourning clothes should reflect this.

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How to Live Without TV (a Past Post)

This post was originally published over five years ago, but it echoes a book I am currently reading (or possibly the book echoes the post – they were published in the same year). In Digital Minimalism, Cal Newport writes, “you’re more likely to succeed in reducing the role of digital tools in your life if you cultivate high-quality alternatives to the easy distraction they provide. For many people, their compulsive phone use papers over a void created by a lack of a well-developed leisure life.”
Oof.
I feel Past Me provided some good advice here for Present Me on how to not get sucked into the small screen. So, bearing in mind that we’re not just talking about TV here, how do you live without TV?

  1. Remove TV from house; delete all TV-related tabs, apps etc.
  2. Ta-da! You are living without TV.
black and white drawing of a TV dumped in a rubbish bin


Except what we really want to know is not how to live without TV, but how to thrive without TV. (Side note: if English was a more sensible language, that would have rhymed and been an all-around more catchy sentence.)

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