Today, according to my little diary, is the day of the winter solstice (15:54 UTC, if you want to get technical). Many a time and oft have I read of Midwinter, and its more popular cousin, Midsummer. Picture my astonishment, therefore, on discovering that these are simply different names for the winter and summer solstices.
Which seems bizarre. The only way in which the solstice is the same thing as the middle of winter is that it’s the shortest day of the year. And yes, short days are associated with winter.
Short day in Norway. Photo taken at midday.But are they what winter is primarily known for? No. What do you think of when you think of winter? Cold, right? Is Midwinter the middle of the cold season? Not even close. One could be excused for thinking it the beginning of the cold season.
Would you believe me if I told you someone invented a combined cradle-rocker and butter-churn?
Would you believe me if I told you two someones did exactly that?
Why not rock the baby IN the butter churn?Thomas Edmondson did it first, in the UK in the early 1800s. But the man who reinvented it in America in 1873 went further, claiming his invention would use “hitherto wasted female power”. (Because as we all know, the women of the 1800s spent their days sitting round on their bums doing nothing, while their menfolk raised the children, cooked, cleaned and so on!)
Not only could this allegedly underemployed workforce now rock the baby and make the butter simultaneously, using this new invention, they could do both these things only with the use of their feet. Which left those ‘idle’ hands free for “darning stockings, sewing, or other light work”.
But wait – there’s more. “Fathers of large families of girls… are thus afforded an effective method of diverting the latent feminine energy, usually manifested in the pursuit of novels, beaux, embroidery, opera-boxes, and bonnets, into channels of useful and profitable labour.”
I’ll teach you to think about bonnets! Or boys!Don’t let your womenfolk spend their time on reading, handwork, or the arts – no! Harness those slackers to a multi-tasking contraption and you could even “supply power for washing-machines, wringers, and other articles of household use.”
One cannot help wishing the inventor was made to work his machine himself: attempting to lull a crying baby to sleep while simultaneously churning several litres of milk and darning his own darn socks. Or, of course, some other “light work”.
Check out Eurekaaargh! by Adam Hart-Davis for more on this and other ill-fated inventions.
Here is Nils Olav inspecting the Norwegian King’s Guard, of whom he is the Colonel-in-Chief. On this particular occasion, he had just been made Sir Nils Olav – being, as the King of Norway said, “in every way qualified to receive the honour and dignity of knighthood”.
