Old-Fashioned Fruitcake
Shoe polish, that is. You cannot make a Polish person. (Unless you are a Polish mummy and daddy, in which case, allow me to offer my congratulations. Gratulacje!)
This isn’t just shoe polish, however. This wonder-stuff can also be used as furniture polish, fabric waterproofer, or even lip balm. Simple homemade multipurpose thingummy? Lead me to it!
Continue & CommentHands up who likes vacuuming! Yeah, me neither. We do have a vacuum cleaner. I do use it. But my husband carries it from room to room and up and down the stairs for me, because the thing is built like a tank and weighs as much as a small child, assuming said small child has been dining off a pile of lead bricks washed down with a draught of liquid mercury.
Don’t get me wrong, I love the sight of a freshly-vacuumed carpet, it’s just the heaving around of the bellowing machines themselves, as they belch hot air in your face, that fails to appeal. Not to mention the way they need emptying and filter-cleaning and tangle themselves up in their own cords (there’s never anywhere really convenient to plug them in) and tend to let their removable fittings come apart just when you most need them to hold tightly together.
If only there was an alternative! Oh, wait – there is. Ladies and gentlemen: the carpet sweeper!
Continue & CommentAn overbearing townie wants to buy Pippi Longstocking’s cottage and pull it down. What will she do?
Without delay, she seized the fine gentleman about his fat waist and threw him up in the air, twice. Then she carried him at arm’s length to his car and threw him into the back seat.
